We live in a society that tells you to be happy with what you see in the mirror. Doctors who say you need to lose weight are really just fat-shaming—body positivity is the most important thing . . .
FUCK THAT SHIT!
Let me assert my thin privilege for a second and tell you some truth. We need to workout today because our culture is too soft. No matter what these perpetual victims tell you, we live in the easiest era in all of history. We workout an hour a day (or less) to try to be half the calibre of man our grandfathers were. Workouts are the perfect analogy to how you are going to handle difficult situations in life. When it gets hard are you going to quit? Or will you push through and reap the mental and physical benefits. Struggle truly makes the man.
So Proud Boys, this is a call to arms. You can choose to be a soft, weak, useless male. Or you can embrace the struggle and make yourself mentally and physically tough.
Without further ado, here is your first in a series of weekly workouts.
- 7 pull-ups
- 14 push-ups
- 21 squats.
Looks simple, right? Let’s breakdown each movement.
Pull-ups are an essential movement for life. Ask yourself this: in an emergency, hanging from a ledge, do you have enough strength to pull yourself up to safety? You may laugh about this comparison, but I would be willing to bet my life savings that at least 40% of all adult males would not be able to successfully do one dead hang pull-up.
Modifications for this one:
Building up to pull-ups: jump up and do a flexed hang if you can, then slowly lower yourself back to the ground, repeating for the remaining reps.
Want to be a badass? L-sit pull-ups will take this to the next level. Make sure you are going slow and controlled with this pace. Good form is a must.
First thing I think of is an awesome Rocky montage where he is switching one-arm push-ups while Mickey is yelling at him. Push-ups are the ultimate old school machismo exercise. Simple. Effective. Brutal. Keep a 4/1/4 pace. 4 seconds down, pause a second, 4 seconds up.
Modifications for push-ups:
Beginners: Try different elevations. The higher up, the easier. Wall push-ups, bench push-ups, and so forth until you can do a standard one. Knee push-ups are for old ladies and don’t do shit. Avoid them like the plague.
Show offs: Be like rocky, go to one-arm push-ups. Focus on a good width with your feet, this is mostly about body control. If you are off-balanced it will be nearly impossible. Another option will be explosive clapping push-ups, another Rocky favorite. Get as many claps in before you drop.
THE KING OF ALL EXERCISES—THE SQUAT
The squat is king for a reason, it will focus on the largest muscle group of the body, but also activate the most muscles and make the body stronger overall. The squat is an anabolic movement, meaning by utilizing it, you will be building more muscle overall. Lastly, it’s going to help your “unit” rise to the occasion when it’s time to venerate your housewife. Squats boost testosterone and your libido. The benefits of squats can go on and on, bottom line, never miss leg day.
Trouble with squats? Place a stool, chair or something else you can squat to, and drop it like it’s hot. That’ll give you a target and you can adjust the heights as you go.
Want a challenge? Time to jump to do pistol squats (one-legged squats). This is a difficult movement, but the benefits are incredible.
So, there you have it, boys. Try it out this week. For those regular lifters try this on an active recovery day or as cardio one day. The rest of you, incorporate it at least once in your week. Time yourself, write it down so you can see how you progress over time.
It’s time to go conquer your inner bitch.
Follow Cam on Instagram @moderncaveman.55