It’s that time of year again, the magical time where the leaves have fallen, the air gets brisk, and your facebook is bombarded with “woke” friends posting the phrase “more like Thanks-TAKING!”.
In America, the 4th Thursday of November is Thanksgiving. The tradition goes, the Massachusetts settlers in Plymouth were able to survive some a rocky beginnings thanks to local American Indian tribe, the Abenaki. In 1621 they shared a meal.
“On March 16, 1621, Samoset entered the encampment at Plymouth, greeted the colonists in English, and asked for beer. After spending the night with the Pilgrims, he left to return with five others, who brought deer-skins to trade. As it was Sunday, the colonists declined to trade that day, but offered them some food.”
The relationship between the English and Indians was started with asking for a beer. This is truly a scene where we can see the baby pictures of America. People looking for religious freedom and half naked hunter/gathers bonding through beer, food, and free market capitalism after working together to get shit done. These people had less in common than any two people you can find in the US today, but they made it work. America wasn’t even a country yet, and that story showed the destiny on the horizon. In 1863 it was declared an American holiday by the wrestling champion and president Abraham Lincoln himself.
“A Day of Thanksgiving, Praise, and Prayer”. What a good thing to do every now and again, and how cool to live in a country that set a day aside to remind ourselves all the things we’re grateful for and how lucky we our to live in a terrific place. A simple day to return to your family, have a few laughs, and eat a whole lot. No complaining. Who would complain about that??
No better time than a day for bringing us together to brow beat everyone, discuss marginalization and conflict (unrelated to the Thanksgiving story), and reduce it to smug quips like “the day we handed Native Americans a Turkey dinner and told them to fuck off”. It’s been referred to as “a victor’s history” and some people use the celebration to dwell on everyone who they see as not getting a fair enough deal. It should also be noted, these usually happen to be the same people who need a special Vegan meal because all the turkey’s that giving their lives should also make us feel sad.
What exactly is the problem?
With people screaming about “diversity” we’re a country that actually has a story about people who couldn’t be more different enjoying a meal together in our fabric. The Thanksgiving holiday isn’t celebrating killing American Indians, that is a long, complex history that varies from country to country and tribe to tribe. It was never “Whites vs. Indians,” there are many types of each. There were no “smallpox blankets,” cause germ theory wasn’t accepted until more than 250 years later. There were not pilgrims in hazmat suits handing Indians tainted blankets, ever. There was no hostile take over of Plymouth. Up to 90% of natives died of various plagues making settlers able to move into their previous settlements.
“The cleared village was known as Patuxet to the Wampanoag people, and was abandoned about three years earlier following a plague that killed all of its residents. The “Indian fever” involved hemorrhaging and is assumed to have been fulminating smallpox introduced by European traders. The outbreak had been severe enough that the colonists discovered unburied skeletons in abandoned dwellings. With the local population in such a weakened state, the colonists faced no resistance to settling there.”
…and the remaining Indians were more than happy to trade and breed with the new settlers.
The issue the weird relative with the blue hair seems to have with Thanksgiving boils now to one word: Gratitude.
For malignantly shitty people who built their entire terrible personality on how they’re better than everyone because they can explain all the ways humans have sucked, Thanksgiving’s celebration of gratitude rubs in their face what a cynical asshole they actually are. The only people who mention American Indian genocide on Thanksgiving are them. It’s a straw man argument so they can ear-beat us with shit their cool professor who “gets it” told them about how “American Was Never Great“.
(I assure you the video above is not parody)
Here’s the thing that makes some of our “enlightened” relatives break out in hives about Thanksgiving: It’s not about THEM. It’s not about THEIR politics, THEIR opinions, THEIR problems, and how smart THEY believe THEY are. Besides the 3 things certain people hate most seem to be humility, eating meat, and their own families, which Thanksgiving brings together.
People using a traditional American family celebration about gratitude to shoehorn in twitter rants casting blame in 2017 about mass die offs of American Indians from 400 years ago when they couldn’t even name the tribe Columbus encountered shows selfishness. These people will bring it up as their way of reminding all of us that they are just that much more “sensitive” and “aware” than the rest of us. Fuck them. This is the year we call them out, don’t just scroll past their status, let them know how thankless they are for all they have.
President Lincoln made the first Thanksgiving Proclamation in 1863 during a time where our country was divided to help give us something to celebrate and remind us about what we still have in spite of our differences. It was during a dark time in our history, but the Thanksgiving story reminded us then, that even 200 years before, whatever our differences we share a common heritage. Not a heritage of race or religion, but a heritage of freedom and ideas. A culture of grit, toughness, and hard work binds all the people who live on this land. It’s about ignoring what makes us different, sharing a meal and asking for a beer.
- I’m in great health.
- I have awesome parents who I love very much.
- I have 2 brothers and we’d all do anything for each other when the chips are down.
- I have a brand new baby niece named Summer born on November 16th. She’s healthy and gorgeous, and the legacy of my family.
- I have the Proud Boys, my fraternal order, always has my back. I meet amazing new guys every day.
- I get to eat Turkey skin
- My business partner, Robert Culkin, hasn’t grown bored of my nonsense yet, and keeps the magazine moving forward with new ideas everyday.
- People still seem to want me to make films.
- I get to watch “the Daily Markota“.
- I get to read “The Prince”.
- I get to listen to Cat Stevens.
- I also get to listen to Type O Negative.
- I’m still a sexual reckoning. And Huma is now single.
- My Jeep still has fairly low mileage.
- I live in the greatest country there has ever been and we have a president who appreciates that.
Below is a picture of Lincoln’s Thanksgiving proclamation. Whether or not you’re a Proud Boy, read it to your family and remind yourself why a day of gratitude is import. Happy Thanksgiving, and don’t take any shit.