Blue Balls or Blue Pills: Dating Post Trump

I tell people that I get asked who I voted for within the first couple moments of meeting a woman, either online or in person and I always get a look for surprise. Surprised in the fact that women these days feel so consumed with a topic that it becomes part of the romantic discourse.

I’ve always been a right leaning guy and I’ve pretty much have only dated women that label themselves as “liberal” or “feminist” or both. Now where I thought their political beliefs were childish or stupid I never really factored it into how I felt about them romantically or sexually.

Then Daddy became commander in chief.

Women on the left today have been thoroughly brainwashed into believing all the Trump boogyman tropes: he’ll make abortion illegal (he won’t), he’ll legalize rape (he won’t), he ban all Muslims (I wish). In doing so, women feel America has elected the new Hitler (not the new Mao or Stalin) and that anyone that voted for him is a Nazi/racist/white supremacist/cat killer – it’s as simple as that. It’s what Joe Queer of The Queers calls “one step thinking.”

Feminism too these days has taught women that all men are rapists and if you’re going to risk putting yourselves out there in the dating pool then you should set some parameters lest the bad guy from “Revenge of the Nerds” roofies your craft beer. The biggest parameter, your mark of the beast, is who you voted for. Not too long ago you could have answered with “none of your fucking business” and that would have swiftly ended the conversation. Now, it’s the headline, the top story.

One such date got me in under the radar. I was hammered and did some manic right swiping on Tinder and passed out. The next morning I had a handful new matches, one from a lady named Kate. Normally this isn’t someone I’d want to date but I had gotten this far and she messaged first. Everything about her screamed “irrational” but I hadn’t gotten laid in a couple months and I was close to needing a “fresh 90

Date was fine, did what I could to avoid the Republican elephant in the room and wound up back at her apartment and inside of her. The following morning Trump came up (how he came up? I don’t know, maybe it was raining and she thought that was his fault). She told me how she “disavowed” (fuck, the left loves that word) her family for voting for Trump. RED FLAG! I had a sinking feeling that if she knew I was a Trump supporter that she would pull a rape charge on me (and I’m not ready to share a basement with Cale Hartmann). Kate would make EVERYTHING political. For example, I have a joke from my old stand up act about making a woman so wet it would be like Hurricane Katrina and it would cause Kanye West to show up and tell us that “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” I stand by the joke, but this was Kate’s response:

In another example of Kate making every little comment political, (and I know she is one example, but this is indicative of a bigger pattern) I mentioned how much I loved the southern part of the US…

A Tinder date with another woman a month or so back was just as fine, we didn’t sleep together but we did make out in the bar and made plans to see each other again later that week. At this time my Instagram was not only public but linked to my Tinder, so I believe this chick did some Colomboing and discovered my political views. This was followed by a text saying she didn’t want to see me and her updating her profile to say she only wanted “woke feminist men” or some jive.

Now I can understand someone not wanting to be with someone that doesn’t match their ideologies, but to flat out become a bigot and not even give someone a chance beyond a false narrative is beyond immature (as stated before I’ve been with plenty of leftie broads).


There’s the other side of the coin, men that sell out their beliefs for some trim. I know two former friends of mine that had been in my good graces for around a decade. Both of them weren’t exactly republican (well, one of them voted for Bush in 2000) but they hadn’t been sufficiently blue pilled either. Both of them share the same catalyst: a woman. To use some Glenn Beck style rhetoric, I’m not saying that my friends went left because of their significant others, but I’m not not saying it either.

What’s my solution? I say it’s better to know thyself and stay true to your convictions and not let some dummy on Tinder make you second guess your values. Doing so will only lead to mutual unhappiness from both people involved. And remember, the women that come off as irrational and emotionally retarded aren’t putting on an act, they just are that way.

Fuck it, tell them you voted for Trump in your first message.

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Alex Caprio

Written by Alex Caprio

New Jersey, former musician and stand up comedian with a degree in English. He can also make a better eggplant parm than your Grandma. Follow him on Twitter @alexclarkcaprio.

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