This Week in: The West is the Best

Wild Pigs in Northern Iraq Are Killing ISIS Fighters

A bizarre story out of Northern Iraq unfolded this week as wild pigs were

reported to have committed murder-by-stampede, amassing and trampling

three ISIS fighters and wounding five others. Although this story originates

from a region of the world currently ripped asunder by war and absent of

any antidote to the poisonous destruction by Islamic Extremism, it feels like

it came out of some alternate script for Jumanji

From the Military Times:

“The incident occurred after Islamic State fighters executed 25 people

in the town of Hawija, one of three Islamic State complete-control

strongholds in Iraq. The executions were ordered after several people

tried to escape the town, according to local leaders.”

While it hasn’t been confirmed if these feral hogs were trained specifically

for covert stampede-style operations in Iraq by US Special Forces, Squeal

Team 6 has already sent more ISIS fighters to their graves than what was

accomplished by the previous Administration in the lead-up to the

establishment of the Caliphate in June 2014.

Since this large, rambunctious stampede has removed more ISIS fighters

off the battleground it should be noted that the eating of swine in the

Islamic religion is considered haram (forbidden by religious law) and may

hinder one’s entrance into heaven. The Coalition charged with defeating

the Islamic State should somehow summon enough pigs to reclaim lands

currently held by remaining ISIS forces in Iraq and Syria.

If we tried it, I’d give it 30 days before we fry their bacon and we’re done

with this greasy mess.

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Written by Matthew Delphia

Matthew Delphia was born in Indiana but was raised in Virginia. He joined the United States Marine Corps in 2001 and spent 8 years visiting exotic places and meeting strange people. Matthew has five tours of combat under his belt, both in Iraq and Afghanistan and elsewhere throughout the world. He now has a much calmer lifestyle with his wife, Cristina. Enjoys powerlifting, tasting fine whiskeys, shooting guns in the (still) free state of Virginia and provoking free thought. He holds a Bachelor of Science in Communications. Follow him on Twitter @mattycakes0231.

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