Have you ever wondered, “Hey wouldn’t it be nice if being offensive could actually make people think?” Well, this is your guide to trolling the left hilariously, and responsibly. Please…do it for us. The internet is a magical place full of memes and butthurt, and exploiting those of the left makes it all the more enjoyable for us.
STEP 1 – BE FUNNY
If you see someone posting something stupid, please make sure you say something funny in response. Otherwise, you’ve just wasted everyone’s time. A funny response should begin with a stereotypical description of the person who would say such a stupid thing. For example, if someone on Twitter writes, “Feminism is simply the idea of equality between men and women,” then they are openly soliciting the opportunity to be trolled. If you want to say something, make a funny comparison. A proper response would be, “Oh yeah, it’s totally about equality between the sexes. Nothing says gender equality quite like shoving crucifixes up your butt and slathering menstrual blood on your face.”
STEP 2: USE YOUR BUTTHURT TOOL
Every man needs a toolbox, and the most powerful tool for a troll is the logical method known as reductio ad absurdum. I call it, the butthurt tool. For instance, some blue haired freak decides to get on your pro-life status and whine about how they’re “personally pro-life, but can’t imagine denying women the option of abortion just because I disagree.” The simple response is to replace the words that lead them to an absurd conclusion. Say something like, “I don’t personally believe in black slavery, but I can’t imagine denying a white man his right to a black slave just because I disagree with it.”
The idea is to come up with something so ridiculous using their same logic. Eventually they just get so triggered and pissed off that they run away or destroy themselves by trying to argue it further.
STEP 3: DROP A DANK MEME
Feel free to add a meme—like a smug Pepe the Frog—at the bottom of your comment for humorous effect (it almost always helps). This is a quick and effective way to get you readers activated through laughter and persuaded to your point of view without very much research.
STEP 4: ATTACK IDEAS, NOT JUST PEOPLE
Be sure to always focus on attacking ideas. Bad trolls often wind up cursing up a storm or attacking the person with needless personal insults. A good troll doesn’t waste time on that. He goes in for the ideological kill, like a panther leaping from a tree onto a defenseless little deer. If someone says something inherently cringey like, “Trump is going to commit a genocide against American minorities.” your first thought should not be, “hahahaha look at this lame cuck who has no gf.”
We’re good trolls; responsible ones. We would never say such elementary things.
What we would say instead is, “So, Trump is going to throw his Housing and Urban Development director in a death camp, then send his Jewish son-in-law and and grandchildren there too? We all know a racist Nazi with Jewish grandchildren and minority employees…am I right?” While maintaining the humorous demeanor in my first example, and my attack on the idea he proposed in example two, I have successfully reduced their argument to absurdity, and created something that both you and the rest of the internet can have a laugh at.
Trolling is more than just a bunch of dumb neckbeards insulting people online. A good troll can be a great arguer (given he follows the steps listed above). Be humorous in your responses to leftist talking points. Make an absurd comparison using their same logical progression without attacking them personally. If you follow these guidelines, then you will spiral your leftist opponent into a spiraling fit of stupefying rage. Which, in the end, is a victory for you, your opponent, and your ideas!
Now would be a perfect time to troll Joseph on Twitter